I've done everything the Bible says - even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
Jesus doesn't need Twitter to spread his message, he uses leprosy and plagues.
I've got two of every animal, but only males. Don't want any hanky panky.
Oh, what the heck? You only live once. Give me a white wine spritzer!
Huh, looks like Heaven is easier to get into than Arizona State.
Ok, boys, when you meet Jesus, be sure to call Him Mr. Christ.