Tag Archives: Comedy

Islington, London, a man was almost charged ₤223,000 for a six-pack of craft beer. What exactly was this beer crafted from, may be a reasonable question. Rumours swell that it was brewed in the fires of Mount Doom itself. Using yeast secretly collected from the very baguette which stopped the Large Hadron Collider. With malts and hops of such pedigree that saffron is thrown on the ground before them as they are loaded on an unsinkable Bismarck guarded by tactical and nuclear penguins. All to form the ultimate craft beer. Or, the man was simply overcharged by accident. The decimal point had been moved a few places. Possibly because the period was being taxed. Fortunately or otherwise, he didn’t actually have the ₤223,000 in his bank account to fund the declined purchase. “I wasn’t really paying attention but I glanced down and saw the first two numbers. “They looked fine ...

The following has been fictionalised to protect the innocent. Because they could be watching. It began simply enough, with a trip to the local supermarket. “I’d like to buy some cheese.” “Aisle eight,” replied the employee with characteristic indifference. It was probably the umpteenth time they’d been asked and answered it. “Thanks.” Aisle eight, replete with refrigerated sections of cheese, but not much selection of cheese. “Excuse me, I’d like to buy some cheese…” The shop assistant barely looked up, and motioned to the nearby packets of cheese. “I’m looking for cheese that’s a bit more, interesting.” As though a tyre that had been punctured, the assistant sighed and slowly began to deflate. “Have you tried the deli.” Statement, not a question. Brilliant. Now at the deli, complete with numbered ticket sorted. “I’d like to buy some cheese.” “Sure, what type?” “I’m after a cheese I can roll down a ...

The time? Six years of construction. The cost? Some US$160 million spent in the process, including licensing the rights from CBS to build it so. The result? Completed in 2014, finally the headquarters of Chinese online gaming and mobile internet company NetDragon Websoft were built. That the headquarters are a replica of the starship USS Enterprise from Star Trek? It’s beyond avant-garde, and it boldly goes where no building has gone before. The reason? Probably so the chairman, Liu Dejian, can say stuff at work like: “Make it so.” And: “I’ll be in my ready room.” And he has to be taken seriously. Where the debate goes, be it Sovereign or Galaxy, or something else taxing to the Constitution, the Class is still out. Stick with an Excelsior refit if for no other reason than “Excelsior” is such a good word to say. Since no known tricorder scans of the ...

Stars Wars, the space opera film saga which has spilled over into pop culture phenomena, again both strikes back and returns with another May the 4th. After the prequel trilogy, wiping the droids’ memories seemed like the best course of action. If only the rest of the world could’ve done the same. Now details of the sequel trilogy are doing not trying, and are breaking through with The Force Awakens. If only that cross-guard on the lightsaber made more sense. Probably none of the following is canon, but in this way, a trilogy of trilogies, or nine reasons if preferred, are offered up as to why Star Wars should be celebrated on May 4th 2015: Attack of the Clones gave the world dialogue wooden enough to make even Pinocchio seem like a real boy. Now that Disney owns Lucasfilm, the circle is now complete. George Lucas showed that flannelette shirts ...

Quite apart from the debate of whether the eggplant is a fruit or vegetable, a common pastime between scientific types and laypeople in between watching the grass grow, it seems the mysterious eggplant has struck again. But in emoji form. Or rather, the eggplant emoji has been struck off the usage list by Instagram. The reason, it appears, is some say eggplant, some say aubergine and others say brinjal. But when it comes to Instagram and the eggplant emoji, some say it’s vulgar. It’s not like it’s that unobvious why… Which has called things to attention, and in the interests of uprightness, the eggplant emoji has been deflated and put away for now. The party is over. Turns out even sprinkling a little salt on it changes nothing of the bitter taste. Don’t even speak about brinjal pickle, that may just be a phallic overload. Putting aside the best and ...

The Australian Tax Office (ATO), looking to inspire those Australians with multiple superannuation accounts to amalgamate them into the one account has turned to BuzzFeed for advertising purposes. Apparently the American company is much better suited to the role than an Australian company, because of, well that’s not actually know beyond citing various buzzwords. And it’s clearly but a small leap of faith to go from buzzwords to BuzzFeed. Maybe it’s because Australia is great at primary production; but value adding and services are another matter. The intention is to target those younger Australians, aged 18-34, who likely have multiple (and probably lost) superannuation accounts. Owing to the joys of casual employment and the desire to add to, and maybe complete, their nametag collection. This target demographic are supposedly more likely to be receptive to BuzzFeed’s less-than-serious approach to reporting. Apparently this fun will translate into each of them consolidating ...

In what may well be a serious contender for the overreaction of the year, one girl found herself more than a little freaked out when a manatee swam past her. Never mind that manatees are gentle and docile herbivores. Of course if you were unaware of what was in the water, and some strange and large creature suddenly swam past, being a little ill at ease can be understood. Let’s not forget that the manatee has a long history of mystery surrounding it. Sailors back in the day were said to have thought manatees were mermaids. Which may say a lot about long voyages at sea and rationing rum. Mistaken mermaid or not, that didn’t stop the girl shrieking somewhere between a Siren and a harpy about her particular manatee encounter. What may defy logic even more was that as she was swimming, she was carrying around her selfie stick with her. ...

Who Was England’s Greatest Prime Minister? The question is admittedly a little misleading, since there’s only going to be a choice of two here: Pitt the Elder versus Lord Palmerston. First a bit of background, even if it’s known what’s coming. Pitt the Elder William Pitt the Elder, 1st Earl of Chatham, also known as “the Great Commoner” was described as an aloof individual and a commanding speaker. Although only holding the office of Prime Minister for two years (1766-68), his political career was both far longer and more contentious. Mainly in part due to the wars over the period, tensions with the British colonies including America, and divergent views between the people and the monarchy at the time. He also gave the world the following quote: “Unlimited power is apt to corrupt the minds of those who possess it.” Variants of which are still used today (though the concept ...

The Cheese Wheel returns! In its time away, it has matured. Hardened. And now has even more bite. Or it has gone crumbly, is a bit on the nose, and probably should simply be thrown away… Yet as any good barrel searching resident of Tamriel will tell you, in the early stages of the game, survival is the key. Launching back on the ominous date of 11.11.11, The Elder Scrolls V Skyrim still to this day has an active community of modders. Plus Bethesda recently lifted the cap on the size limits of mods. Time to break out the skooma in celebration, or maybe something a little less addictive. Now, once you’ve survived the initial game stuff, absorbed the souls of a few dragons, and not taken an arrow to the knee, you can remain an adventurer and start to do more interesting things. Things like acting out a Gloucestershire ...

Gloucestershire, England, a place that truly understands The Cheese Wheel.  And also cheese!  Not only do the good folks understand cheese, but they are willing to roll a wheel of it down Cooper’s Hill and chase after it. Sure it may be an unofficial event, but that didn’t stop around 3,000 people turning up for it this year. Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling dates back to the 1800s.  More official times you see, at least up until 2010.  Then, fearing for people’s health and safety the event was officially cancelled.  As if those things should get in the way of chasing a wheel of cheese down a hill so steep that most can’t even normally stand on its side without falling over.  It’s just a plain fun idea. Too much fun in fact. Police warned local cheese-maker Diana Smart against supplying her Double Gloucester Cheeses.  She has made the 3kg wheel of ...